


license my roving hands

by paperdolls



Category: British Comedy RPF, Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: Asshole Spanking, BDSM, Dom/sub, Kink Bingo 2019, M/M, Masochism, Paddling, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 17:02:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20429399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperdolls/pseuds/paperdolls
Summary: James swallows, “How do you want me?”Ed smirks, “Naked and crying, I’m afraid.”





	license my roving hands

**Author's Note:**

> For 'spanking' on my kink bingo. 
> 
> A few notes: 
> 
> 1) Please do not ever, under any circumstances, link this fic to any person who is portrayed in it. This is fiction. It's made up. The fourth wall is a good thing.  
2) My biggest, most grateful thanks to Lizard for the beta. Thank you for letting me ramble at you about a fandom you're not even in, and thank you for fixing my Comma Catastrophe.  
3) This one is dedicated to the #OffMenuSquad on twitter. Thanks for hyperfixating with me, friends!

“We’re going to try something new today,” Ed says and James immediately knows that whatever this new thing is, he’s going to both love it and hate it equally. 

James swallows, “How do you want me?”

Ed smirks, “Naked and crying, I’m afraid,” and then, before James can open his mouth and get himself into trouble, “Let’s start with you in your briefs and on your hands and knees, shall we?”

No matter how many times they do this, how often James is laid bare in front of Ed, this part never gets easier. Right now James doesn’t have the excuse of unbearable arousal to fall back on for his shamelessness, nor a desperation to come. Ed hasn’t even _done _anything to him and James already wants to climb onto Ed’s bed on his hands and knees and present his ass like some sort of—“That wasn’t a suggestion,” Ed snaps, breaking James’ train of thought.

His face is hard when James risks a glance over and oh, okay, turns out James’ shame at needing this apparently is weaker than his shame at the prospect of disappointed Ed because after that it’s no more than a few moments before he’s in position.

“Good,” Ed praises, stroking a hand down James’ back approvingly, the only point of contact between them until there isn’t. James manages to keep his embarrassingly disappointed sound in only because he’s still aware of the way in which he exists in his body and how on display he is to Ed.

There’s movement behind him, Ed doing---whatever Ed’s doing really, it’s not James concern anymore. He’s handed this over to Ed, he reminds himself as he struggles not to twist his neck and look. “You have to be good and hold still,” Ed tells him, reading James just as well as he always does, directly behind James now, hands smoothing over James’ ass, warm even through the cotton of his briefs.

Ed circles around to the other side of the bed this time and James can’t help but be unbearably grateful that he gets to see Ed’s face. He’s looking at James seriously, stern as he grabs James chin and tilts it enough to make eye contact, “Now James, I want you to know that I’m going to be hurting you quite a bit tonight and I don’t plan on taking it easy on you,” he says, the matter-of-fact tone making James shiver almost as much as his words, “You know your safeword and I’m going to trust you to use it if you need it.” Ed stops for a moment, letting James absorb the information he’s been given. It’s not a lot but then again James doesn’t ask for a lot of information, doesn’t _want _it.

“Can I trust you to use your safeword, James?”

“Yes, Ed,” he says, carefully making earnest eye contact with Ed to make sure Ed’s aware he’s telling the truth. Ed nods, satisfied, circling back to his position behind James. James’ mind races, trying to put together what he knows, trying to understand what Ed’s going to do to him. If Ed’s going to _hurt _him like he had promised, James hopes its with a spanking. But then again, a spanking is nothing new, not even if Ed pulls out the strap or the paddle. Maybe Ed will use a flogger on him, although this position doesn’t seem very practical. With each moment of not knowing, James’ anxiety ratchet’s up, winding him tighter and tighter. 

James starts shifting nervously, trying to be good and hold still but his body responds to his wandering mind. Thankfully, Ed doesn’t make James wait much longer before his hand is landing on James’ ass. As with all the other spankings Ed has given him, this one starts off lightly, just heat and noise more than anything, especially with James’ briefs to shield him. Just like all the other times—well, except for the very first time but not ever again after that because James can learn thank you very much—James knows better than to expect it to last.

Ed doesn’t leave the briefs on him for very long and James can’t help but be infinitely grateful for the contact of Ed’s big hands on his warmed up skin. Ed takes a moment to touch him, squeezing, pulling his cheeks apart with both hands for one mortifying moment. James makes a low sound, eyes squeezing shut as he thinks about what Ed’s seeing right now.

Ed laughs, low and fond, in response, “Sorry darling, I couldn’t resist looking at your little hole, I wanted a good look at what I’ll be fucking tonight.”

James makes a soft punched out sound at that, hips jerking forward even as his face burns. Ed tuts, drags his hips back into place and starts in on James ass again. This time it hurts more, each spank building on the previous and Ed’s hands feeling bigger, harsher with no layers in between the two of them. Eventually, James cant hold his noises in, at first biting back whimpers with each impact and then, finally, moaning out loud.

He can’t help it—it just feels so _good. _Ed’s hands are good and harsh against his skin and although Ed doesn’t stick to any rhythm, it’s easy to fall into the trance of it. James doesn’t even realize that he’s rocking back for more until Ed says, “There you go, there’s my hungry, needy little boy. See? No need to be ashamed when it’s just you and I here.”

James’ face warms up in shame and, now that he’s aware of it, he can’t help himself from trying to hold back his hungry movements.

“Oh dear, suppose I shouldn’t have said that, huh? You’re getting all wound up on me again,” Ed says, and yeah, that’s definitely laughter in his voice. James squeezes his eyes shut because he doesn’t understand _why _Ed’s fucking with him in this way—Ed has to know that James wasn’t out of it enough to accept words like that quite yet.

He understands almost immediately when Ed comes around front again. Or, okay, well, the first thing he notices is how hard Ed is and how much he wants to plant face first onto Ed’s dick because god, as much as James is a freak who likes these things, Ed gets off on hurting him and making him squirm too so it’s okay. The second thing James notices is, of course, the paddle in Ed’s hand. He bites his lip, squirms some more before meeting Ed’s expectant gaze again. 

“Let me guess, you have exactly the right tool to make me relax?” James quips. 

Ed grins and pats the top of James head with an open palm, like he’s a dumb little pet who’s performed a trick. He doesn’t even have to say anything for James to flush in humiliation, ducking his head a little.

“Go ahead then, give it a kiss,” Ed orders, bringing the paddle to James’ face, just far enough that James hasto lean forward to get it. Ed jerks it back just a little right before James’ mouth makes contact and James scowls up at Ed, ears burning at Ed’s amused little grin. 

Ed lets him kiss it this time and doesn’t even say anything too smug. James can’t help but be grateful.

The paddle is, as always, a new kind of pain. Ed starts off slow but unlike his hand, even ‘slow’ makes James whimper. The thud of the paddle against his skin is—a lot. The pain is different in how deep it seems to reach into James. Once again, Ed doesn’t stick to a pattern, not letting James fall into any kind of trance, making him feel each impact.

It’s painful and perfect. It’s everything James needs, and everything Ed’s so happy to give him. He’s crying before he knows it, face soaked with tears and mouth open to help him breathe despite his stuffy nose. He thinks it might be a little pathetic, a little shameful how loud he’s being but—there’s Ed’s voice, Ed saying “Oh, look at that, what a good boy,” and “There you go, you’re so pretty.”

Eventually, the blows from the paddle stop coming. It takes a minute for James’ brain to catch up with his body but soon he realizes that the paddling has stopped, that now what he’s feeling is simply Ed’s hands smoothing over his ass, lighting up his skin with every pass.

“Do you need to stop, James?” Ed asks, pressing a kiss to James’ back, loving even as he digs his fingers into James’ bruised skin.

“No Ed.”

“Okay, I’m going to go back to using my hand now,” Ed tells him and James can’t help but whine in confusion because usually if Ed’s used a paddle on him he uses another instrument of some kind, doesn’t go back to his hand—

“I said I’m fine, Ed!” James protests, because clearly this must mean Ed isn’t taking him seriously.

Ed digs his fingers into James’ ass, _hard, _and says, harsh, “Shut up, James.”

James does as he’s told, snapping his mouth shut even as Ed goes back to spanking him. Immediately, James understands that no, this isn’t a downgrade. It hurts just as much as the paddle, especially as Ed covers the spots the paddle has bruised already.

“Fucking ridiculous,” Ed spits out after spanking one particularly bruised spot once, twice, thrice, “Thinking I’m going easy on you. As if I would ever. I know what a hungry little masochist you are, James. Haven’t I always given you what you needed?”

James doesn’t know how long Ed spanks him bare handed, nor does he know when he starts sobbing again, fat, ugly tears running down his face as Ed makes him hurt. All he knows is that by the time Ed stops again, even the feeling of air on his bruised skin hurts.

“There you go, you think you’ve had enough on your pretty little ass?” Ed asks, deceptively gentle, kissing James’ back as he trembles, giving James time to nod, “Ready for that something new I promised you then?”

For a second, James can’t even comprehend what Ed means, caught up in the way Ed’s been playing with his body expertly. Then, it hits him and _god_, Ed had said he would be giving James something new today. He’d had nearly forgotten, flying as high as he is, but now its all he can think of. Curious and hungry, like the good boy Ed is always telling him he is.

“Good. We’re gonna have to move you a bit to get you ready for this,” Ed tells him and then he’s moving James around, patient and strong in the face of how shaky James feels, rearranging him until he’s in the right position. Like he’s a doll, for Ed’s use, James’ brain helpfully chimes in, making his dick jerk.

By the time Ed’s done, James has his knees spread as far as they will go and Ed’s got him on his elbows, chest down against the bed. The underlying humiliation of the position does nothing to make James dick soften up any, a predicament Ed notices too, giving it a quick stroke.

When Ed walks around to talk to James this time, he’s naked. James’ mouth waters in response to Ed’s thick dick but what really gets him is the look on Ed’s face. Ed looks _hungry, _like he’s ready to tear into James.

James whimpers, more tears spilling over from the sheer overwhelming arousal he’s feeling.

“You’ve almost earned a good hard fuck, sweetheart,” Ed tells him, bringing his face so close to James that he can see how blown Ed’s pupils are, “but first I’m going to hurt you some more.”

He circles James again, once more ending up where James can’t see him and can’t tell what he’s doing. The anticipation is just as good as Ed’s order. “Hold your ass open for me,” Ed says and then, when James hesitates, a more impatient “Use your fucking hands to hold your ass open for me James, I will _not_ be asking again.”

It’s an awkward, humiliating position and touching his own bruised skin _hurts _but it’s the good kind of humiliation-pain that Ed’s so excellent at making him feel. Still doesn’t stop James from shifting uncomfortably as he waits for Ed to make his next move.

“There’s my good boy, showing off his hungry little hole to me” Ed praises, the easy words making something in James loosen up a little even as it winds him tighter. “We’re going to get started.”

Ed rubs his fingers over James’ hole, the touch teasingly light and—Jesus, James can’t help how he clenches at them, trying his best to get them inside. Ed is right, he supposes, he _does_ have a hungry hole.

Eventually Ed stops touching him again and for a few long moments it’s silent, just James’ low helpless whimpers.

The first hit is unexpected and unlike anything James has felt before, a hard impact against his asshole, something big and warm and unrelenting and so—deep. For a second, it's just that, a sound and a corresponding impact. Then the pain floods in and James can’t help it, he screams, flinching forward and away even as his cock leaks a fat drop of precome.

The pain is a new one and James is immediately, helplessly, in love with it. His brain protests but his body insists on _more _and _harder_ and _yesEdGodthankyoupleasemore._

“Oh James,” Ed croons, petting his hole lightly, “I always knew you were a depraved little thing. Let’s see if I can make you scream some more for me, yeah?” James doesn’t even have time to react to that before he can barely breathe again.

It shouldn’t feel this good, Ed’s hands slapping over James’ hole again and again and _again _but then again, so are many of the things Ed does to James. It _hurts _and James can’t stop crying but he doesn’t once try to safeword out. His hole feels like it might be swollen for days after this, like he won’t be able to so much as twitch without remembering what Ed did to him. 

Ed’s relentless, slapping James’ hole mercilessly, just pulling him back into position every time James twitches too far forward. He’s kind enough to fall into a rhythm this time, a steady impact every few seconds that James never feels fully prepared for. James screams and sobs and cries and begs and then eventually, finally, he just lets himself sink into it, moaning Ed’s name over and over.

By the time Ed stops, even the movement of air behind James feels like it might be too much. He flinches as Ed brings his hand to his swollen hole once more, gently this time. He’s twitching and crying even as Ed touches him gently, crying out as his other hand circles James dick. He keeps tapping at James’ hole with two thick fingers, soft enough to barely count but it doesn’t help him last, not when Ed’s got a perfect grip on him. He practically whites out when Ed starts rubbing his taint, massaging his prostate from the outside, helpless to follow Ed’s orders as he says, “Go ahead darling, come for me.”

By the time James is aware enough of his surroundings to care, Ed is turning him over. James ends up on his back, hissing as his ass connects to the sheets. Ed distracts him with a kiss that’s as hungry as the look on Ed’s face. Heat blossoms in James’ stomach with the realization that he is responsible for it. His face must show how neediness still clutches at him because Ed gives him a smile, says “Love you.” Still, the moment of tenderness doesn’t stop him from grabbing James’ thighs and pushing then up towards his chest. The humiliated indignity of the position is eased somewhat by Ed giving him another kiss, although it’s brought right back as Ed pulls back and slaps his hole once more, making James flinch.

“I’m proud of you James,” he says, low, “Look at your hole for me, will you darling?” The order draws a whine out of James, but he’s a good boy so he does as he’s told. It doesn’t look quite as bad as it feels, James thinks, not as red as his ass and thighs are but it looks like it hurts none-the-less, pink and swollen.

“That looks like it hurts, doesn’t it?” Ed prompts, pitying and soft, petting James’ thigh gently like he didn’t cause it. James nods, too overwhelmed for words. Ed doesn’t push him on it, just kisses his knee once, before he lets James drop his knees with a soft “You can let go now, there you go, good boy.”

James whimpers, closes his eyes, still moaning softly as his skin makes contact with the sheets, “Thank you Ed,” he manages, sleepy.

“You’re welcome James,” Ed says, fond. Then, a few seconds later, “I’m still going to fuck you in a bit.”

James shivers, lips curled up in a smile, “As long as I don’t have to do any of the work.” 

Ed snorts, “When do you ever, you pillow princess?”

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on twitter dot com @ moronicbottom, I chatfic about these idiots a lot. 
> 
> Drop me a comment if you feel like it, I love reading them <3


End file.
